I would like for you to imagine this letter being read to you by James Earl Jones (or anyone else with a deep bar atone voice).
You have been placed on this Earth with special powers. Remember with great power comes great responsibility. Your super power is one that will fill your bowels and have an impact on those around you. You will hereby be known as Super Pooper! You have the ability to poop in epic proportions. You will be able to blow out of any diaper placed upon you. You can use this power to escape boredom such as Gospel Doctrine. And, you can thwart those around you instantaneously. When the crap hits the fan...well, you're probably responsible.
Enough with the puns. May the feces be with you. (Ok, just one more.)
Love,
Super Pooper Cleaner Upper
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