Meekness Is Not Weakness

Dear Ella, Charlie, and Lily,

This letter to you is one to show you that I am not perfect, but I can be perfected through Christ.

I really believed that after watching other parents and teaching in a classroom for so many years that I knew all of the answers about parenting.  I knew what it took to be a great mom, and I was promised that I would be a good mother to my children. Of course, like so many other things in my life, I thought that my greatness would just flow naturally.  I would have babies, and poof, I would be perfect.  Sadly, that is not what happened.

In the three years of being a mother, I feel that there are many times where I have failed at my job.  There was a period recently where I felt as though I was losing control of my home and my children.  Temper tantrums were rampant, you three were hurting each other: biting, kicking, screaming, pushing, scratching, you name it.  When I would tell you to do something, you would disregard my commands until there was a threat attached to it.  You wouldn't listen to me unless I used my "angry voice."  In an attempt to take control back of my home, I decided to fight fire with fire!  I was not going to allow my children to behave this way, so I fought back.  I started yelling and spanking in hopes of becoming the boss, the master of my house.  My whole life I have been so passive that people have walked all over me.  I couldn't be a doormat for my children.  You needed discipline!  I felt completely justified for my actions.  While trying desperately to gain control, I completely lost control..

After a few months of this, I knew that my home was not what I wanted it to be.  I wanted to have peace in my home, but I didn't feel as though being soft-spoken would solve the problem, in fact, I was sure it wouldn't. I didn't know what to do, but I knew that what I was doing wasn't working. It was then that I started praying for help.  I was reluctant at first because I already knew that yelling and spanking are not the Lord's way. Because I knew that was not what he wanted me to do, I started asking questions like, "What tone of voice should I use to discipline my children?  How can I learn to control my anger?  What kinds of consequences might be effective to change their behavior?"

I wish I could tell you that immediately after I started praying for help, I stopped my bad behavior, but I didn't.  I had to repent every day for losing my cool, but I kept trying to be better every day.  Then in October, we had General Conference.  Although I didn't hear all of the talks live, I read them later.  One of the talks stood out to me as an answer to my prayers.  It is titled, "Be Meek and Lowly of Heart" by Elder Ulisses Soares.  As soon as I read it, I knew it was meant for me.  He states, "Meekness is the quality of those who are 'Godfearing, righteous, humble, teachable, and patient under suffering.'  Those who possess this attribute are willing to follow Jesus Christ, and their temperament is calm, docile, tolerant, and submissive . . . Being meek does not mean weakness, but it does mean behaving with goodness and kindness, showing strength, serenity, healthy self-worth, and self-control . . . Upon acknowledging our dedication and perseverance, the Lord will give us that which we are not able to attain due to our imperfections and human weaknesses."  I have read this talk many times over the last few months, and I know that the words in it are true.  I can't say that you children obey me all the time, but I can say that I feel like I have more control over myself.  My home is a much more peaceful place than it was.  I feel better about myself and the kind of mother I am since reaching out to the Lord for help.

I want you to know that I love you three so much.  My goal and my desire is to someday be a perfect mother to you.  Unfortunately, you have to forgive me while I'm working on that goal.  I know that with the help of the Savior, all things are possible. I'm so grateful for our church leaders who are prayerful about what talks to give at General Conference so that I can be inspired to be a better person.

Love always and unconditionally,

Your humbled mom

Disneyland!

Dear Lily,

This year for your Papa’s birthday (May 9th), your Nana and Papa took us all to Disneyland!  When we got there, your Nana got you a button that said “1st Visit.”

As always, you were a perfect baby the whole time we were there.  Most of the park you were hanging out in the stroller.

But you did get to go on a few rides with us.

I can’t wait for you to get bigger and watch your little face as you discover Disneyland all over again.  Until then, I thank my Father in Heaven for you every day.  You are a joy to take anywhere. 

 

Love,

Mom

Devin Gerard Griffiths

Dearest Lily,

While I was searching for the words, this is what I came up with:

Devin taught me to appreciate family, life, the Lord, temple covenants, and all of the little things that make life sweet.  He did so much for me and many, many others in his short beautiful life.  We love you so much Devin.

Love,

Auntie Shelley

Super Pooper

Dear Lily, 

I would like for you to imagine this letter being read to you by James Earl Jones (or anyone else with a deep bar atone voice). 

You have been placed on this Earth with special powers. Remember with great power comes great responsibility. Your super power is one that will fill your bowels and have an impact on those around you. You will hereby be known as Super Pooper! You have the ability to poop in epic proportions. You will be able to blow out of any diaper placed upon you. You can use this power to escape boredom such as Gospel Doctrine. And, you can thwart those around you instantaneously. When the crap hits the fan...well, you're probably responsible.

Enough with the puns. May the feces be with you. (Ok, just one more.)

Love,

Super Pooper Cleaner Upper

Nana Griffiths

Dear Lily,

I always felt so blessed to have such wonderful grandmothers who love me.  My grandmothers love to spoil me, as grandmothers tend to do.  I never realized how much more my life would be blessed when I got married and I got to have two new grandmothers to spoil me too.  Dad’s paternal grandmother Nana Griffiths holds a special place in my heart.  It’s probably because she has always treated me like I am one of her flesh-and-blood grandchildren, and I can feel her love for me.  I’m sure she loves all of her grandchildren equally, but she makes me feel as though I am her favorite.

Nana was making a trip out to see some of her children who live in California and Arizona.  While visiting Aunt Laura in Tucson, she made a special trip (a five hour drive one-way) so that she could come and meet you in person.  I was so touched that she would take time away from visiting her children and endure a long drive just to come and see our little family. 

She came on a Saturday afternoon.  The first thing she wanted to do was hold you.  This cute outfit was given to you by her daughter, my Aunt Melinda.  Unfortunately, you had a blow out all over it, and we had to change your clothes, but that’s ok.  You look cute in everything!

We sat and chatted for a while and then decided to go outside and see all of the cool things Dad has done in the backyard.

 

Ella showed her the chickens.

Charlie tried to get her to jump on the trampoline.

 

And Daddy showed off his garden.

We all ate dinner together, and then Nana had to leave.  Before she left, I made her take a picture with all of you kiddos.

I’m so grateful for family and the blessing we have to be sealed together forever. 

I have a family here on Earth

They are so good to me

I want to share my life with them through all eternity

Families can be together forever,

Through Heavenly Father’s plan

I always want to be with my own family

And the Lord has shown me how I can,

The Lord has shown me how I can.

Lyrics from: ”Families Can Be Together Forever” in the LDS Children’s Songbook

Love,

Mom

Your First Easter

Dear Lily,

This Easter was a special one because it was your first Easter in our family!  I chose the Easter bucket for you with all of the flowers on it since you are my beautiful Lily.  I (I mean the Easter Bunny) filled it with some yogurt melts, puffs, and baby cheetos.  You’re not old enough to eat them yet, but you will be soon!  You are still so little that you can’t participate in all of the festivities, but we got a couple of snapshots of you enjoying the day.  Thanks for the card Nana and Papa!

 

You couldn’t really hunt for eggs, but you did look so cute in your Easter dress.

We took a picture of everyone in their new sunglasses.

And one with me in it too.

Later that evening, the Adams family arrived to spend a couple of days with us.  They drove all the way from Indiana because they were dying to meet you!  It was love at first sight.

The Adams family only stayed for a couple of days because we had to share them with their family that lives in Phoenix.  Over the next two days, we shot some guns, blew stuff up, ate burgers and Stan’s burritos, and played some heated games of hearts.  I would say it was the perfect two-day visit.  We always miss them when they leave, and we look forward to visiting them again soon. 

Love,

Mom

Just Right

Dearest Lily,

When I was in kindergarten, my Papa and Bo (Anderson) used to live right across the street from my school.  Everyday after school I would go to their house, have a strawberry ice cream cone, and read with them the story of The Three Little Bears.  I knew every line by heart, and I would correct them if they missed a word in the story.  You, my little one, remind me of the baby bear because you are “just right.”

When Ella was a baby, she used to drink her bottles so fast that she would spit up gobs of milky goo.  I’m pretty sure she could’ve won some sort of world record for the fastest bottle drunk by a newborn.  Charlie, on the other hand, would not nurse and would take about an hour to drink just 4oz of milk.  You are just right.  You will nurse or take a bottle, and you drink it not too fast but not too slow either.  Feeding you is such a pleasant experience.

Ella came out of the womb with a preference for Dad.  She was always snuggly with him and she would light up when he entered the room.  Charlie is a major mama’s boy.  Now that he has words, he repeats over and over again, '”Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama . . .” You will gladly go to either me or Dad, and you smile your big toothless grin at both of us equally.

I am interested to know if this will ring true in other aspects of your life.  Ella is my independent girl.  She wants to do everything by herself, and she does not like to ask for help.  Charlie will ask me for help when he is getting off the chair and has only an inch of space between his feet and the floor.  I wonder if you will be the perfect balance of self reliance mixed with the ability to receive advise.  Well, at least I am hoping you are.

I am not the only one who feels that you are just right.  Everyone who meets you tells me what a pleasant baby you are.  You are so content all the time.  You rarely cry, and when you do it is because you have tried to tell me that you are hungry, tired, etc., and I haven’t responded to your needs.  I am so grateful to have you in our family.  You fit just right.

Love,

Mom